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Last night was rough, and my first real test.

Sunday, July 18, 2010 by  
Filed under Daily Blog

July
18
2010

Yesterday evening was my first serious test of willpower since I stopped drinking. I was feeling aggravated with some computer issues I was having, and was somewhat stressed out yesterday afternoon. Typical “solution”? Vodka on the rocks. Then I grilled a couple of really nice steaks and served them alongside some fries and asparagus. Typical beverage with a nice thick steak? Vodka on the rocks or a glass of red wine. There were a few other “trigger” activities yesterday that also brought about the familiar pangs of desire. While I was gritting my teeth and pining for the familiar warm, pleasant sting in my throat, something occurred to me that instantly strengthened my resolve. I thought to myself, “Dude, look at yourself. You can’t even enjoy an incredible steak anymore without craving alcohol. How screwed up is that?” That’s all it took. I’m not saying the cravings went away after that – they didn’t – but it did re-enforce that I need to break the grip alcohol has on me. I don’t like being controlled by anyone or anything. I’ve overcome drugs, poor diet and cigarettes and now I’m going to beat this.

I don’t want you all to think that my blog is going to morph into non-stop posts like those of the past few days; it’s not. It’s just that I’ve had so much feedback on the past couple of days’ blogs that I feel that there’s clearly a lot of interest in this issue. Alcohol dependence/abuse is extremely widespread, so the feedback I’ve received is not at all surprising. From here on out I’ll make mention of how I’m doing from time to time, and will talk about significant events/hurdles as I move forward, but for the most part I’ll be focused on talking about diet, training and the usual stuff.

This morning I want to take Lisa Geocaching with me (on our bikes), but she’s worried about traffic, ants, wildlife, mud, bugs… I’m going to try to find some easy ones that will sink the hook before we get too far out in the wild. There’s one cache that I’ve been eying that requires a canoe or a kayak to reach, and then a hike through some pretty dense forest. I really want to give that one a go!

Breakfast and bike time now. Have a great day!

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